January, Schmanuary

I have been digging deep into my heart and soul to find something to write you, it hasn’t been easy. My mind has been drawing blanks since our visitors left after the Christmas holiday. January should be a chilled out month after a busy December, right? I feel the total opposite. Anyone else feeling INCREDIBLY homesick? I sure am! In fact, I am sat at Tim Hortons right now typing away at this blog post. Tim Hortons (Canadian company) is the closest thing I can get to home.
 
Don’t you feel like January is full of expectations too? You have to make resolutions for the new year? Did you? I say, down with the resolutions! Just be better a person; help those that need it and please for the love of (whatever you want to call it) be kind to our environment. The only thing I am adding to that, is to wear sunscreen daily (prevents wrinkles and aging).
 
January for me, is a sad and depressing month. I never thought it could be, but I am feeling it this year. All the hype of Christmas, your amazing family travel from far to visit. And in a blink of an eye, it’s all over. The Christmas decorations are packed away, the bed linen has been changed on the once occupied guest beds. The house is still and quiet (as quiet as it can get with a toddler). My eldest is back at school… No one to blab with in the evening (insert –> MOM). I can feel tears starting to prickle in my eyes and I am trying so hard not to let one of those salty tears roll down my face in public. I take a huge bite of my apple fritter to mask my sadness (the best). By the way, I always eat my donut first before my meal when visiting Tim Hortons:)
My Mom & Dad came to visit for Christmas, as one might assume after all the above I have writen. It was our first family Christmas together, celebrating in our new home. It was a special occasion to have my parents both here, only wish my brother could have made it. We never thought my dad would be given the clearance to fly so far with his newly diagnosed heart problem. Yes, hella scary and upsetting for me. He will need to be operated on in the coming months, but good ol’ Canada and their free crummy health care system…poor pops can’t get an appointment to see a specialist for another 6 months as they are fully booked! Every day I am scared that something will happen to him, I can’t stop worrying. And that’s not all…my sweet Momma…she has been diagnosed with an untreatable auto immune disorder that is progressing and I wish I could stop it, or the doctors could but we can’t. I am riddled with fear and worry. I can’t live without my parents. All this health jargon is rather overwhelming for me, I don’t know how to deal with it.
 
Dang this chicken salad sandwich is hitting the spot. Feeding my soul with food to cure the pain I am feeling. I think I will order a second apple fritter….I am sat here, not a child in tow, which is a pretty peaceful feeling. Being able to enjoy a bite of food, undisturbed. My husband offered to take care of Ruby & Nate for the day. Reality is hitting me hard right now friends…Mom and Dad are both gone back to Canada, the in-laws have left and I am here alone so far away from them all and will continue to be here for another 5-10 years. Unthinkable…I feel I need to be there for my parents right now. What if something happens to them? This is the part of being an expat that blows donkey brains. End of story! 
How I wish and dream that I could grab my phone and say “Hey mom, come over! Let’s make cookies and have tea”. I will never have that opportunity. By the time we move and figure out a sensible location (hopefully Canada) my parents will be nearly 70. Grrr I want to take the kids and go home…but we can’t. Our life is here and I need to except that. So this bit of Tim’s is helping me soothe my home sickness from my childhood home. It feels like I am sitting at the one right down the street from my parents house.
 
Now is about time I stand up and get a move on. First, I brush the crumbs off my jeans and then awkwardly leave my tray behind on the table (I still can’t get used to this mannerism). I set sail through Dubai Mall hoping to get lost in window shopping. Husband wants to save more $$ this 2015…so I have no other option but to window shop! How boring and depressing! Billboard, after billboard…taunting and flaunting their fantastic sales in my face. Look here 75% off! Arghh! Breathtaking handbags and diamante shoes. Whatever, sales! We have a house, schooling and family to care of and not to mention save for our future. Our family is our priority. This is the path we chose, I can overcome you and not fall for your great discounts in this tax free country. I continue to walk more briskly and realize I am having issues keeping my balance from heel position to toe position (something I learnt in an etiquette book when I was little). I am wearing kitten heels and I can’t walk in them? What is wrong with me! Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t have a stroller to push or a baby to carry, this feels weird… Yes it must be that or the fact that I never wear heels ever since having kids. I glance to my left as I try to walk like a lady and realize it is Level (the giant shoe store). I keep my head down and concentrate on my heal to toe movement.
 
Finally I appear in the car park! I reach deep into my purse and fiddle around desperately searching for my car keys ( I always lose them). I finally get hold of them and pull them out. I shamefully look at my unmanicured finger nails, each one a different shape and length. And now with some added cookie and cracker crumbs on them, great! Those weren’t from me, must be the kids, swear! Unlocking my door, I shove my purse into the back seat. With the swing of my hip I shut the door. Oh lovely, my butt is coated in a spatter of grey powder (I don’t believe in washing my car everyday, it is a waste of water). I check to see if anyone is watching and dust myself off. Ah ha! A Rolls-Royce with a fancy schmancy number plate. Bet it belongs to a Sheikha or Sheikh. Don’t tell me I am the only one who thinks that too! I start to daydream…something I do quite often by the way haha. I start to imagine a crispy giant note sticking out from my windshield wipers saying “Use this to buy any car of your dream”, or maybe a giant wad of cash! I snap out of it! So unrealistic Corrine!
 
I slump into the driver seat, taking in a deep breathe (I have been practicing breathing exercises of late). My lips are feeling dry so I glance into my mirror. Oh sweet sugar, a trace of chicken salad sandwich on my face. Now THAT’S embarrassing. I shutter at myself, what the heck is wrong with me? I need to get it together, I don’t even have the kids with me. I am suddenly reminded how darn tired I am feeling and there is no excuse for it. Well, yes there is…homesickness. But I have a cure. Indeed this daydreamer does!
 
I have so much to look forward to this year. So many great things I will do and achieve. I have a quick look at my phone. I read a message from my mom ” Btw it was -21 today it’s so cold it’s crazy”.
 
With that thought…I think I will continue to sip my Tim Hortons coffee from a warmer climate. I put my Ray Bans on, turn up some dub and reggae music and enjoy the ride home in beautiful, sunny Dubai. There are a lot of negative things that come with being an expat, yes there is. Take it from me! But we really need to delve deep and find the good as well. There is a lot to be thankful for, living out here with our children. Just have a look around at this incredible city we call home! What an experience and lifetime memory we are creating for our kids. With every sacrifice, comes great strength. We are all here in this city of gold to make and save money in a tax free paradise. Creating a cushion to provide for our children and future grandchildren. Don’t get swept away in all the glitz and glam.

“Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to.”
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

 
Here is to a much happier 2015 to all you expat Mom’s around the World! And a healthier new year for those of you who are not well. Let’s be kind to those around us that need our help. And don’t forget to wear your sunscreen! We can do it!
 

1 Comment on January, Schmanuary

  1. Bhawna
    January 29, 2015 at 4:15 pm (6 years ago)

    Heart-warming post! Have a great year ahead

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